Tuesday

Terrorist Organization Number One

If a terrorist can be defined as someone who causes extreme discomfort and anger to innocent people, then I have a new candidate for terrorist number one:

Consumer relations departments at large corporations.

These entities hide not in murky rat infested caves like Bin Laden but rather behind the crackling wires of phone banks.

When you hunt for them, you are met with a barrage of menus, each demanding that you punch a number in response to myriad questions.

A wrong answer to these confusing requests leads down a blind alley forcing your search to begin all over.

If after relentless pursuit, you apprehend one of the lower level lieutenants, your interrogation rarely leads to information of any value.

You receive only clues as to how to contact a higher up and hints as to where he might be found.

No matter how many levels of the organization you may penetrate, they never have the info you need.

Nor are they the ones responsible for giving you that information.

That person is always beyond the next phone extension.

And so you search on and on, peeling back layer after layer of the group, traveling in an endless circle, often arriving back at the very department at which you started.

Al-Quaida has nothing on these terrorist organizations.

They are self perpetuating, each cell independent of all the others.

They are supposedly ruled by a mastermind, but where does he reside and how does he communicate with his subordinates?

No one seems to know.

But it is obvious that when you try to find him, he can immediately submit you to an exquisite torture which will finally force you to scream:

JUST FORGET IT!

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